Dreaming of you

Waking up from dreaming of you is certainly not what I last thought before falling asleep. Even it was not the first time but the feeling is as strong as ever, left me staring off at the floor and couldn't do a damn thing about it.

Sometimes it was good dreams - us being together. Yet in almost all the dreams, we will be apart in the end. Dream doesn't bring any meaning except that it was play and control by own thoughts while we were sleeping. If that is damn true then I rather have a fake thought of us being together throughout the dream next time so I don't have to start my day in a bad mood.

Perhaps I'm still alone and that is one of the reasons I still think of you. That makes me wonder since you're with someone now, did you dream of me at all? No way to find out. I've told you that I won’t be talking to you anymore anyway. Basically, I have no one else to talk to too. My brothers are doing pretty well but they are busy with their own life and their girlfriends. My friends are not worthy to share with. So this blog is more or less the only place where I want to put my thoughts to words.

How's your family? I hope all of them are well and great. I miss your mother's cookies and the way your father laughed in his good mood. I guess your sister is married and I'm sorry I couldn't attend that if it's true. It was fun talking and joking with your brother because he seems to be happy all the time, hope that one day I'll have that chance again. When I heard that you were sad because your parents sold the old house with of all our memories there, I was amazed and touched since I felt the same when I moved out too. To this day only I realized how true your words seem to be now. There's nothing left that can remind us of all things we did together last time, the houses are sold, you threw the letters I wrote to you and I burned the pictures of us together.

Still, I remember pretty much in my head. Sneaking out of your house when your parents fell asleep - the gate was pretty damn noisy and it's the only thing I don't miss. The time when you fell asleep in the living room and how heavy you were when I carried you back to your bed. The most vivid was when I had to leave to work in Singapore and how you cried so badly left me in no doubt how much you loved me. Honestly it was the first time I saw you cried that much and it's just because of me. I didn't know I really hurt you so much and that was why I still left in the end. And anything after that were just disasters.

Life is getting better and great plans coming ahead yet I wonder if you will ever be inside of my pictures someday. After all these years and I still miss you and dream of you.